Hell: Gensokyo’s Newest Hotspot?

Written by Hatate Himekaidou

As Summer rolls around once more here in Gensokyo, folks are once again looking for some fun in the sun! And what’s a hotter place than Hell itself? That’s right, Hell has received a sleek new makeover, courtesy of Lucifer!

The Old Hell was drab. Dull. Boring. Desperate for a new owner and a breath of fresh air! Honestly, I don’t even remember who the former CEO was. Zan-mo or something? Who gives a shit.

Well, it doesn’t get more scenic than the New Hell! Lava lakes, fires, friendly residents, and an undying heat that’ll knock your socks off!

Now, the only slight problem is you kinda have to die to get there. A turn-off for some, I’m sure. That’s why we’re giving one lucky reader a brand-new, premium Hell Pass to have some fun with your soul still intact!

To enter, simply leave this paper outside at 3 am with a $50 bill, and the crows will pick it up for you. Then our lucky winner will receive their Hell Pass in 12-18 business days. No need to fill out your address, they’ll know where to find you.

Just remember, you have to be a terrible person to go to Hell. I’m filing lawsuits as we speak, so I know what my Summer plans are!

See you at the beach, readers! And remember to bring sunscreen!